1.11.2007
Round 1 Match 7
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The eternal struggle of Cowboys vs. Clowns rages on...
The Lone Ranger: In a time when kids were starving for heroic entertainment, the Lone Ranger was as close to a superhero show as you were going to get. He was gritty, noble, threw a mean punch and knew how to wear a cute bandana. Probably not so cool in today's world of antiheroes and "shades of grey" morality, but the dude still kicked some major tail.
Ronald McDonald: When you managed to get through a baseball game without injuring yourself, he was there. When you needed a place to go after the high school dance, he was there. When you stumbled out of the bar and the sausage vendors were on strike, he was there. When your cholesterol count shot through the roof, he was there. Will you be there for him now?
Criteria: Obviously combat is fair game here, among other factors. Can Ronald's magical MSG counteract the stoic purity of the big boyscout? What a cliffhanger! Tune in next week to find out the end!
# posted on Thursday, January 11, 2007
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My suspicion is that more people in the world recognize Ronald McDonald than the Lone Ranger. However, I also believe that more people in the world have died because of a McDonald-esque diet than recognize the Lone Ranger.
Ronald is actually an arch-villan masquerading as a child friendly hero. However, when he mounts his dark horse his cry is "High, High Cholesterol clog on!!"
The Lone Ranger is the true hero.
Ronald is actually an arch-villan masquerading as a child friendly hero. However, when he mounts his dark horse his cry is "High, High Cholesterol clog on!!"
The Lone Ranger is the true hero.
Ronald McDonald to Lone Ranger (over the phone, in hushed whispers, so Tonto doesn't hear): "I wish I could quit you."
The Lone Ranger (pretending it's a wrong number): "Mrs. Givens?! Why no, there is no one here by that name." And quickly hangs up. He settles back down by the fire and eyes Tonto's brooding siholette in the light of the flames.
Tonto: "Who was that?"
The Lone Ranger: "What? Oh that? Nothing. Nothing at all. Some person selling a money making scheme. Said he made over $900 just last month."
Tonto: "Nine hundred dollars."
The Lone Ranger: "Yup. $900 bucks."
Tonto: "You expect me to believe that?"
The Lone Ranger says nothing.
In the distance a coyote howls in the lonely night and the fire crackles.
The Lone Ranger: "It will never happen again."
Tonto: "That's what you said about the chicken."
The Lone Ranger (pretending it's a wrong number): "Mrs. Givens?! Why no, there is no one here by that name." And quickly hangs up. He settles back down by the fire and eyes Tonto's brooding siholette in the light of the flames.
Tonto: "Who was that?"
The Lone Ranger: "What? Oh that? Nothing. Nothing at all. Some person selling a money making scheme. Said he made over $900 just last month."
Tonto: "Nine hundred dollars."
The Lone Ranger: "Yup. $900 bucks."
Tonto: "You expect me to believe that?"
The Lone Ranger says nothing.
In the distance a coyote howls in the lonely night and the fire crackles.
The Lone Ranger: "It will never happen again."
Tonto: "That's what you said about the chicken."
You are right. I am also a fan of Jack, but not until this moment did I realize that he didn't eat. Odd that he still has enough strength to gnaw through someone's jugular.
Now back to the search for the idol.
I don't think that Ronald can sing. I have heard his cameos on some of the commercials and I am not impressed. Furthermore, although I support the love of the redhead, he does not have the look and those feet are not made for dancing.
Now, let's face it girls, we have all had a fantasy or two about a cowboy at some point in our lives. And I hear that Paula is looking for someone with whom to steam up the tabloid pages. Also, the producers believe that if they allowed in a country crooner they would be able to open up to a whole new demographic. So although top ten is doubtful, I have to give a gold card to....
The Lone Ranger
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Now back to the search for the idol.
I don't think that Ronald can sing. I have heard his cameos on some of the commercials and I am not impressed. Furthermore, although I support the love of the redhead, he does not have the look and those feet are not made for dancing.
Now, let's face it girls, we have all had a fantasy or two about a cowboy at some point in our lives. And I hear that Paula is looking for someone with whom to steam up the tabloid pages. Also, the producers believe that if they allowed in a country crooner they would be able to open up to a whole new demographic. So although top ten is doubtful, I have to give a gold card to....
The Lone Ranger
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